Friday, July 20, 2012
I noticed something about myself in the last couple of weeks. My brain is thinking more towards "what's cool and hip" than what I might like. I know I have always struggled with insecurity and wanting to fit in, but I had illusions that I had grown in those areas. I also know that I am definitely a little off in my processing, my insecurities are ramped up and I am fighting depression. No matter the cause, I made a couple steps in the last weeks to choose based on like and what makes me "happy!"
The above picture being one of those times. I went out to dinner with my friend Brandy last night and we then went to Target, bought nail polish, and went back to her place to watch a girly movie. I had this random notion to paint my toes with all of the bright colors I could find in her stash. I actually consciously thought... make sure they are in rainbow order and proceeded to paint my toes. It wasn't until today when I got an email from a friend with the subject line "you of all people!" in it bringing to my attention I actually messed the rainbow up. So crazy... but thankfully, my feet are still happy!
I also made the choice in my new bedding as I got a new bed. For those of you who have always been so shocked that I still slept in a twin bed, those days are over. I went with a queen, I know, shocker. Which also meant new bedding and such. It was a fun process deciding what bedding and how to do it in the most economical way possible. I pooled items from 5 different stores to accomplish my mission. And I will say again... happiness abounds.
I don't love that I am struggling with all the stuff up in my head and that the battle of the last 2 years continues, but I am thankful for little things that can provide some sunshine and I am thankful for big things like a Savior who hasn't let me go and friends who are staying in it with me.
And as a sided note... as I have walked around looking at my toes today, I have been someone amazed that I think it would actually look better for the blue and green to be in their proper places and amazed that God knew that and that's why He created it that way!