This week has been one of those weeks that I have struggled in my singleness. I recognize the few things that are playing into this feeling... a friend gets asked out on a date, the world's love holiday is around the corner, it's cold outside. But the biggest factor is that I have an unfulfilled desire and it's hard to just forget that it's there.
So as I have lamented my singleness this week and the fact that this fall marks the 10 year mark of the last date I was asked out on. I started thinking about the last 10 years of my life and all that I have had the blessing to be a part of. Some of the things I could have still been a part of if I had been married and married with kids, but I know a whole huge chunk of those things would have changed. I actually started spouting off a list of what all those things are.
But I think what struck me this week was sadness that I feel like God has forgotten me. That I feel like I have "been good" and therefore He should reward me. That at moments I think marriage is the reward. And sad that I might miss the beauty of what He has done so far. That I really don't see, as Cheryl put it, that I have been on the trip to Hawaii and not just received a postcard.
I don't fully know the WHYs of still being single, but I do know that if I stop long enough to be amazed and thankful at all He has done and all that He has allowed me to be a part of, not just the last 10 years but my life... I am not only thankful... I am spoiled!
When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers—
the moon and the stars you set in place—
what are mere mortals that you should think about them,
human beings that you should care for them?
Yet you made them only a little lower than God
and crowned them with glory and honor.