Saturday, February 11, 2012

I'm Single and Spoiled!

This week has been one of those weeks that I have struggled in my singleness.  I recognize the few things that are playing into this feeling... a friend gets asked out on a date, the world's love holiday is around the corner, it's cold outside.  But the biggest factor is that I have an unfulfilled desire and it's hard to just forget that it's there.

I wasn't sure I wanted to write anything about it, because frankly... it's not a new song and I'm pretty sure it's not even a new verse.  But this morning I read an article that my friend Cheryl wrote about singleness and valentine's day and crazy enough she spoke to exactly the same conclusion that I had come to earlier in the week, just with a little different twist (you can read the article here!)
So as I have lamented my singleness this week and the fact that this fall marks the 10 year mark of the last date I was asked out on. I started thinking about the last 10 years of my life and all that I have had the blessing to be a part of.  Some of the things I could have still been a part of if I had been married and married with kids, but I know a whole huge chunk of those things would have changed.  I actually started spouting off a list of what all those things are.

I've been to Haiti, Africa, Costa Rica, been on solo trips to the mountains, the ocean and seen the leaves change in Connecticut.  I've been a part of watching a children's ministry grow and seen hundreds of kids faces  light up at understanding who Jesus is.  I've watched God do some crazy stuff in families lives to restore and heal.  I've had many women come in and out of community group and been a part of their weddings and births of their children. I've watched the Lord break down walls in hearts of women and been up close and personal in the healing of their hearts.  And I could go on.
But I think what struck me this week was sadness that I feel like God has forgotten me.  That I feel like I have "been good" and therefore He should reward me.  That at moments I think marriage is the reward.  And sad that I might miss the beauty of what He has done so far.  That I really don't see, as Cheryl put it, that I have been on the trip to Hawaii and not just received a postcard.

What He has chosen to give me is what He absolutely believes in best for His glory and my good.  And that I can trust Him in that and with my life AND with my heart.  He knows.  He knows what my desires are and He isn't ripping me off and He hasn't forgotten about me.
I don't fully know the WHYs of still being single, but I do know that if I stop long enough to be amazed and thankful at all He has done and all that He has allowed me to be a part of, not just the last 10 years but my life... I am not only thankful... I am spoiled!

When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers— 
the moon and the stars you set in place— 
what are mere mortals that you should think about them, 
human beings that you should care for them?
Yet you made them only a little lower than God 
and crowned them with glory and honor.

Psalm 8:3-5

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