"Why I'm Still Single"

Lately my singleness has felt a lot like a burden and I've found myself wondering "Why am I still single?" Lots of little things have created the perfect storm for these feelings and questions. For the first year ever three complete strangers said “Happy Mother’s Day” to me. Kids who were in elementary school when I started my job at Watermark are getting married (times 4.) I’m turning 42 in a little over a month and never would I have imagined I would do that single. There are things I cannot do because I’m single. A friend told me the other day that we are in a life stage that no one wants to be in. And for the first time ever… I actually left an event and felt like an old maid.

Each circumstances has left me with a feeling of sadness in my singleness and each time my “go to questions” start running through my head… “Is there something I’m not doing that I should be doing?” “Am I ‘putting myself out there’ enough?” “Is there something terribly wrong with me and no one is brave enough to tell me?” “Is there something about my appearance that I need to change … grow out my hair, wear more makeup, etc.?" (There are more but you get the idea.)

And then I realized I began questioning my “go to answers” to my “go to questions”… “I have amazing community around me and they would tell me if something was wrong with me.” “God is sovereign and if He wanted me married I will be married.” “God is good and He does not withhold what is good from those who love Him.” “There are plenty of girls with short hair and who don’t wear a lot of makeup who are married.”

I actually started wondering if I was just telling myself these things to feel better and it was time to stop fooling myself. And sweetly the Lord has again reminded me of what’s true…

1) My community: I have been so blessed with friendships in my life that tell me the truth. And when I look back at the truth they have told me, I know they aren’t holding out on me.

2) God has been so faithful to show me often and tangibly that He doesn’t need my help for anything and that includes marriage if He has that for me.  No joke… every year for the past 7 years different friends have randomly set me up on a blind date and every time I don’t hear back from the guy. I really think it is God’s way of showing me that “He’s got this!”

3) We are in the middle of reading Psalms with "Join the Journey" and just about every other psalm has a reminder of God’s unfailing love and that His provision is perfect and right.

• I will sing to the Lord because He is good to me. –Psalm 13:6
• You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever. –Psalm 16:11
• God’s way is perfect. All the Lord’s promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to Him for protection. -Psalm 18:30
• The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. –Psalm 23:1
• But I am trusting you, O Lord, saying, “YOU are my God!” My future is in your hands. –Psalm 31:14-15a
• The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.” –Psalm 32:8
• Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry, but those who trust in the Lord will lack no good thing. –Psalm 34:10
• The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. –Psalm 37:23
• And a whole list of others… Psalm 1, Psalm 2:12, Psalm 3:3-5, Psalm 5:11-12, Psalm 10:9-10, Psalm 18:19, Psalm 23, Psalm 27:4, Psalm 40:1-3, Psalm 55:22, Psalm 56:3-4, Psalm 63:3, Psalm 73:21-26, Psalm 84:10-11, Psalm 92:4, Psalm 94:18-19, Psalm 95 

4) One of the Psalms also talks about thankfulness being a sacrifice that pleases the Lord and a friend reminded me that living out the hardness of not getting something you desire and choosing to trust and serve the Lord is a sacrifice that brings Him great glory. (Psalm 50:14, 23)

5) Elisabeth Elliot passed away this week and I have been reminded of the truth that she knew through some powerful quotes of hers from books I’ve read through the years.

• “I realized that the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able to honestly pray what He taught His disciples to pray: Thy will be done.” (Passion and Purity)
• “Where does your security lie? Is God your refuge, your hiding place, your stronghold, your shepherd, your counselor, your friend, your redeemer, your savior, your guide? If He is, you don’t need to search any further for security.” (Psalm 34:8, Psalm 119:14, Nahum 1:7, Psalm 23:1, Isaiah 9:6, John 15:15, Psalm 19:25, Luke 1:47, Psalm 48:14)
• “But the question to precede all others, which finally determines the course of our lives is, ‘What do I really want?’ Was it to love what God commands, in the words of the collect, and to desire what He promises? Did I want what I wanted, or did I want what He wanted, no matter what it might cost?” (Passion and Purity)
• “God has promised to supply all our needs. What we don’t have now, we don’t need now.” (Philippians 4:19) (The Path of Loneliness)

6) Psalm 77:22-12 and Psalm 78 were also great reminders to remember what God has done in my life and all that I have been so fortunate to be a part of because of my singleness.  There are so many relationships I would have missed out on and so much I have gotten to do because the Lord has kept me single. The list blows my mind! And I’m not the only one living in circumstances that no one wants and that feel a lot like a burden… whether it’s cancer, infertility, job loss, car accidents or anxiety. This world isn’t all peaches and roses and in fact... it can be just plain crappy sometimes!

So why do I write all this? It helps to get it out on paper and again remind myself of what is true. I also want to see my singleness as a sacrifice of thanksgiving as I lay down what I think I want and trust what He has to give, not as a burden

I also know I’m not alone in wondering if God knows what He’s doing, if He lost my number or if what He claims about Himself is really true. And I know that it’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to struggle with my lot. But I also know that God continues to tangibly and clearly encourage me and I don’t want to miss the opportunity to share that with others. I don’t know exactly what your “singleness” is… but I know He cares and He hasn’t forgotten you!