Monday, April 5, 2010

Tug of War

Sometimes I feel like a nut! I find myself pulled between two different desires. I know I am not the first person to struggle with this... and not the last either. As Paul said in Romans 7:15 (I chose the Message version), " What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise."

Here are some of the thoughts running through my head today...
-I watch Extreme Home Makeover, I read a book, I see a blog post... I want to help those in need. Then not 10 seconds later... I need some new spring tops!
-I want to give what I have so that others can know God... I think I need one more of these, just to make the set complete.
-I want to move, downsize, and be able to share more... It sure would be great to own my own home and decorate and entertain or I'm comfortable right where I am.
-I want to memorize more or just finish what I started... I think this tv show looks funny, so I that's where I spend my hour.
-I need to be more giving with my time... I think I'll take a nap.
I could go on and on.

Now, please don't hear me say that the above shows one side of a list that is good, pure and holy and the other is sin and evil. I know that it all comes down to my heart. All comes back to where I am focusing and who I am listening too.
It just reminds me that on this earth I will still wrestle with my flesh, with wanting the comforts of this world. It really makes me crazy at times. I want to get it, get it right, and do it without looking back. I want to love God with all my heart, soul, and mind. I want to be done! But DANG IT, I'm not!
I'm thankful that He is not surprised by my wrestling. That He knows I will choose Biggest Loser over time with Him. That He knows I will look to others to meet my needs and fulfill my longings.
I am also soooo thankful that He tells me His grace is sufficient, that He knows me inside and out, the He LOVES me ANYWAY!
So, I'll dig into Him a little deeper and allow Him to pull on the rope for me! And I'll trust Him to change me a little more today!

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