Old Army Friends

This weekend was our 12th annual SRE weekend. (SRE stands for Sista Revival Extravaganza) There are 14 of us that met at Texas A&M and were in ASC (Aggie Sisters for Christ) together. After college we had all been keeping in touch and decided we needed to have a weekend every year to hang out together. Our biggest goals... relaxing, sharpening, and fun. Through the years we have experienced A LOT of things together. And this weekend I was reminded once again what a blessing it is to get together with girls who already know me! The last couple of weeks I have been struggling with depression. Even to type that makes me sad. I have talked with a lot of my friends and at this point we all think I am in the natural stages of grief. None of us are really surprised that I am here... but I'll be honest... I'm not fired up about it. For a couple of reasons. One... I want to be myself. I want to be excited about life. I want to be joyful. I want to be all in with my friends... in struggles and celebration. I want to be fired up for staff lunch or a fun game around the office. But right now, I'm just not totally there.

Second... I have fears. You see, I've been really depressed before. The kind where tears come at the drop of a hat. Where I am not fired up about anything at all. The kind were I don't want to get out of bed and I don't want to be around people. Where NOTHING seems ok. And I don't want to go there again.

Thirdly... I don't want to be a burden to my friends or coworkers. I don't want to need more time from them. I don't want to be working at less than 100%. I don't want anyone to have to take up slack for me.

But... it's where I am. It's what my heart and mind are experiencing. I have to let grief take it's course. I have to take time to process the losses and the changes that those losses bring. I have to let myself feel and let myself be sad. It's not easy... but it is what has to happen.

And so this weekend was a sweet gift in the road. These girls walked with me through my depression the first time. And to be able to sit with them and to say I am struggling again and to be met with love, acceptance, and understanding was a gift. I am so thankful that the Lord brought us together 18 years ago and has allowed us to walk through this life together and I think it's appropriate to call us... Old Army Friends!