Second... I have fears. You see, I've been really depressed before. The kind where tears come at the drop of a hat. Where I am not fired up about anything at all. The kind were I don't want to get out of bed and I don't want to be around people. Where NOTHING seems ok. And I don't want to go there again.
Thirdly... I don't want to be a burden to my friends or coworkers. I don't want to need more time from them. I don't want to be working at less than 100%. I don't want anyone to have to take up slack for me.
But... it's where I am. It's what my heart and mind are experiencing. I have to let grief take it's course. I have to take time to process the losses and the changes that those losses bring. I have to let myself feel and let myself be sad. It's not easy... but it is what has to happen.
And so this weekend was a sweet gift in the road. These girls walked with me through my depression the first time. And to be able to sit with them and to say I am struggling again and to be met with love, acceptance, and understanding was a gift. I am so thankful that the Lord brought us together 18 years ago and has allowed us to walk through this life together and I think it's appropriate to call us... Old Army Friends!